Golden Gate Bridge
Somewhere within that misty shroud lies a mystery.
A mystery as old as mankind.
A mystery large enough to envelope us all.
A mystery for which there is no answer.
A mystery I am attempting to solve.
Somewhere behind that misty shroud points the way to answering my question:
Is it my time to die?
Mike and I drove to San Francisco last week for my latest medical appointment. I had been experiencing symptoms that suggested time might be drawing nigh.
As I looked at the fog-veil masking the city, I wondered what news awaited me there. In this moment, it was still a mystery….
Dr. Baron greeted us in the waiting room and led us down the hall to his office. He seated himself at his desk before scanning the results of my CAT scan.
“Well,” he said, looking at us, “Your cancer is growing, but just a small amount. Nothing to be concerned about at this point. I’ll show you how large the tumor is.”
As his fingers displayed the size of my tumor, I shrank back in the chair.
The oncologist continued, “But the cancer has not spread. That’s the good thing. This isn’t an “A+” report, it’s more like a “C+”. At least it’s not a “D.”
I had to agree.
We also agreed to set up a different chemo regimen and to schedule a follow-up visit for June. He gave each of us a warm embrace. Mike and I left his office quite relieved.
June!
How sweet is that.
It is not my time to die.
Mystery solved?
No.
That answer remains in the hands of my maker.
Simple pleasure?
Yes.
Isn’t life itself life’s simplest pleasure?
I hope you are enjoying yours as much as I am enjoying mine–don’t wait until your time might be drawing nigh!
I am loving life, partly because you don’t know how long you will be here. But I enjoy every day. I am also hoping you will be here for lots and lots more years. We would miss you very much. Sandy Tincher
Okay, Sandy, just for you I’ll hang out for a while! 🙂 Thanks…
None of us know the answer to that question as you well know. My prayers are with you and I thank God for every day he gives me. Love to you. Alex
Hi Alex. Sounds like you’re living life to the fullest on stage. Wish I could come watch. Love to you, too!
What graciousness!!!!!!!!
Your picture is tremendous as well as your beauty.
Sweet, Sue, Thanks!
Thank you for sharing these beautiful sentiments…and thank you God, for your gracious child named GAYLE!
Oh, so you’ve met my maker! 🙂 Thanks for the constant whisper in His ear on my behalf!
You sharing your thoughts is always inspirational on many levels and causes me to ponder those “mysteries” you refer to. I’ve come to realize that it is “LOVE” that makes life worth living. The love we have for one another, the love we have for the things that surrounding us, the love for the things we can do for others, and the love that is returned to us, ten fold, when we give our love away. Life continues with the love we cherish every day until someone or some thing that loves us even more than this earthly love, transports us to another dimension where the “LOVE” we will experience is beyond comprehension. How precious this time is and you always bring that point center stage and make every day one for us to celebrate with love. Thank you Gayle. I love you.
You are right on target, George. LOVE is what makes life worth living. And, love is enough! So happy to hear about your daily celebration! I love you, too.
Tears of joy and resolve make there way down my cheeks and neck at this moment. Loving you so, and so very grateful for you in my life….Francie
Francie, Francie, you Sweetheart. Tears of joy are the sweetest tears of all. Many they continue to nourish every day!
God Bless you Gayle, you bring me to tears every time I read your posting..such a brave person you are. I love you hugs to both of you and Mike!
xoxoxo
Thanks, Mary, but I must say Lloyd was the brave one! I don’t know that I would choose another operation if I had the option. He did! Love to you, too, soon to be retiree.
xoxox
Got it, thanks!
I am glad the canser hasnt spead. And no one knows when we will pass away only God know and we just we to make sure we have that personal realtionship with him so when we do die that we know we will be in heaven with God. but each day we have on earth is a blessing we should enjoy. My prayers are with you and Mike and the doctors
Thank you for your prayers–they are obviously working! 🙂
Simple pleasures are the best! And, I think one mystery at a time is sufficient for anyone. Thanks for sharing the news. Good positive thoughts and prayers to you and Mike always.
Thanks, Lynda. I read about your art show in Weaverville. Wish I could have come to support you. Your art is for sharing–as is your love!
Thanks Gail for noticing the show. There will be more to see. Incidentally, there are two paintings in the show that started at your house (our paint day). Please go to my blog post @ http://www.lyndanolte.com to see how I finished them. They were painted with love from you, and then continued with that love as well as mine after I got home. It took a while to figure how to complete them, but I feel good about them. Thanks again for that lovely day.
Sorry Gayle, I spelled your name wrong…. I know better than that, oh and by the way I have a new book out from this show… I may just have to pay you a visit…. 🙂
Can’t wait to see your new book. I’m one of your biggest fans!
OMG! I love your blog! All my artist friends will, too. (I’ll try to figure out how to add your link to my blog. I haven’t had anyone update mine in a while. I think it’s time!) And I love how the paintings turned out that you started here. Please come again. I paint with a friend or two every Sunday morning starting at 10:00. Or, we can make a special time if that doesn’t work for you. I wish I would have had you paint my cats. Maybe I can find the photos again next time you visit.
Gayle, thanks for the invite… 10:00 is fine and will make it a point to do that soon.
I can still paint the cats, just find the images and email me… I would love to paint them!
Be Colorful!
It’s taking the time to find the photos and e-maiing them! I will have to do it one morning while Mike is here to assist my techno-challenged skills!
I love you Gayle, you are a ‘Hero’/ ‘Heroine’ to those who read words coming from your heart and soul. I have a thought that the Lord is helping you to help others who find themselves “attempting to solve this mystery”. Whenever it comes to me, I will be in the Lord’s hands. Love and prayers, and friendship to you always, Sharon
Thanks, Sharon. Nothing could make me happier than to think I am being guiding to do God’s work. Works for me! 🙂 Hope to see you up here when Mike sets the pizza date.
You don’t know how happy that makes us feel. I am sure not as happy as you & Mike. Will be having an Easter Egg hunt on April 13 if you guys would like to come down.
Hi Mike, You are so full of fun. Thanks for the invite. I’m kind of on a holding pattern nowadays to see how I feel every day, but I’m open to feeling great that day!
Beautiful photo. Beautiful writing. Beautiful Gayle. You are truly amazing. Congratulations on your C+! Isn’t that considered above average on most report cards? You definitely are WAY above average in my book. Outstanding, actually.
Love, Jeanne
Thanks, Jeannie. Yes, it’s above average, but you’re talking to an over-achiever here. 🙂 Hope you are doing well.
Dear Gayle,
Thank you for your gentle reminder of how fragile our life here on this earth can be, and how grateful we should be for each miracle, no matter how big or small, for each day we have, and to make the most of every given moment. God bless you and Mike. You both continue to be in our thoughts and prayers. Many blessings.
Cindy
Hi Cindy, Thanks for your kind words. Hope you made it out into that beautiful sunshine today–we did!
That is such wonderful news Gayle! Blessings to you and yours sweet lady.
Thanks, Debra. I love blessings: giving and receiving. Thanks for sending me yours.
I was reading this post at a red light…anxious to find out the answer to the mystery. Just as the light turned green, I read, “It is not my time to die.” I wept as I drove through the green light.
Tears and laughter and love. What else is there! Thanks for reading–stop lights and all.
I am so happy to hear that you do not have to go back to San Francisco until June! I think of you very often, and can’t wait to read your next blog post. I love you. Enjoy the days, my dear friend
Thanks for your kind wishes. Every day is sweet. So is every dear friend! I love you.
Thank you for your message, its one to remember, to embrace.
Judy, you are master at living at a full life. I suspect embracing Curt about now is even better!
I was thinking about you just this morning and was so pleased to get your message. Wow! Your attitude is so beautiful and what brings you and Michael through this period of time in your life. I pray for you and pray that I might have just a wee bit of your attitude brush off on me. Thank you so very much for sharing. Love you
Hi Peggie, You are too sweet! You have a fabulous attitude. Thanks for your prayers!
I so enjoy your magnificent writing! For me, the written word is one of life’s most treasured gifts and you give them so freely! Stan & I have so many fond memories of the years we spent playing with you & our other biking, hiking kayaking friends! You continue to enrich our lives by the sheer beauty you share. Thank you.
Hi Sweet Kat, Don’t forget the dancing and berry picking! You two are very special to me and will remain that way always. Oh, yeah, I’ll be forever grateful for the treatment you once gave me–you’re a very powerful woman! My love to you both.
Hi Gayle,
It’s always wonderful to get an email that you put up a new post! And wonderful news that your next appt isn’t until June! I wish you MUCH strength as you face a chemo that is tougher on your system.
Kellie Barker from Salem MA 🙂
How nice to have you drop in! It makes me happy to know others want to read my posts! While they’re fun to write, it’s even more fun to have them read by someone who enjoys them. 🙂 Thanks for your kind wishes. Strength seems to find me. These bodies of our are quite amazing, aren’t they? My best, Gayle
The first words are the hardest to select, not to find, because there are many. I truly appreciate the assurances you give to live and more importantly love to the fullest. I text this with my grandchildren all around me. Pain is all over us, my daughter and I- back pain that is…seems were not walking in the sweet new Spring grass enough 🙂
My hopes for you today are that your pain free. I don’t know how much pain your condition gives you. What shines is all the good things you’ve discovered through tthis experience and your wonderful gracefullness in sharing it.
Where you’ve always been a wonderful person Gayle, your made even more wonderful through the rain in your life and the pain that has been part of the exchange.
Love you Gayle, and praise be to Mike too… I promise to curl my ties in some new grass today 🙂 Love, Bobbie and the girls: Shannin, Jordan, & Rylie Sky
Sweet Bobbie,
What beautiful words you write–you have selected the perfect ones: thank you!
I don’t experience too much pain–mainly discomfort. It comes and go. Sounds like you’re in more pain than I am right now. Hope it passes soon. And hope you wiggled those toes in Spring’s tender grass. Blessings to you and your precious loved ones! I love you.